It was a day just like any other. Darrin had woke up, got dressed, prepared and ate his breakfast, and then ascended the stairs back up to the bedroom. There he took in the glorious vision of his lovely wife delicately sleeping in bed. Her perfectly curated bun ripped half-way out from her nightly tossing and turning. Stray hairs framing her cherubic face, accentuating the half-opened mouth, a bit of drool dried on her cheek. Her semi-conscious awareness of his boots making the daily walk into their bedroom had slowed her bear-like snoring to a softer orangutan-type.
He puts his cold hand on her warm back, causing her to leap higher than the current Olympic gold medalist pole vaulter, as she considers, yet again, punching him in the face for his delightful wake-up style. They kiss and they wish each other a good day. She reminisces how he is amazingly lucky that she loves him so.
The Phone Charger
As you have probably guessed by now, that half-formed bunned, snoring, drooling, cherubic-faced darling is me. Darrin? He is my cold-handed husband. We’ve had this routine for almost 10 years, although the cold-hand-on-the- back-wake-up has been added just within the last few years. Lucky me.
Although the day may have started the same as any, it changed as my messy hair and I walked downstairs and saw the couch (sofa, Chesterfield, whatever you want to call it!). There draped over the arm was my car phone charger.
The Void
You see, my husband isn’t very expressive. Or moody. Or animated. I knew that about him. But, for the longest time (let’s say the first, oh, ten years of our marriage) I longed for him to long for me. To tell me how much he loved me, that he couldn’t live without me, and that I was the perfect person for him. Sound familiar? I feel like this is a universal longing. Can I get an Amen?!
But, this is the thing. He didn’t. In his defense, he also never told me why I drove him crazy, or what I did that annoyed him (read: snoring like a grizzly bear with a massive head cold). But, despite this kindness, I was left with an emotional void.
The Realization
I saw the phone charger sitting there and I sat down on the couch and brought up my text thread with Darrin.
It was then, right then, when I realized that my husband did love me. He loved me, he loved being with me, and he loved taking care of me.
Did I still wish that he would gush about his love for me? Yes. But, what happened is that each time he took out the garbage, went to work, worked overtime, filled my car up with gas, let me take a nap, changed a diaper when he got home without pointing out that the child may have been in said diaper for the majority of the day, ate a sub-par dinner (or better yet, poured cereal for everyone for the 3rd night in a row), or didn’t complain when he had to dig through mountains of laundry for some matching socks, he was declaring his love for me.
As we were walking into Costco yesterday we were talking about deep stuff, about how much we have changed and grown. Darrin said something amazing to me. He said, “I like making life easy for you.” My heart soared with love for this man. It is true; he does. He had been showing me how much he loved me all along. I just couldn’t see it.
That phone charger saved my marriage. It was the first drop of understanding that filled my emotional void.
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